Despite having mobile maps and prominent signage at my disposal, successfully navigating a UK city I’ve frequented numerous times remains beyond me. Regardless of how often I drive or walk through Birmingham, I inevitably become disoriented and lost – my latest visit proved no exception.

Serving as a practical midpoint for meeting relatives or friends, and boasting the Utilita Arena for live performances, I’ve made repeated trips to Britain’s second-largest metropolis. Yet, multiple driving experiences have left me perpetually traumatised. Have you encountered Spaghetti Junction?

I should emphasise that I’m a fairly capable motorist who regularly undertakes lengthy journeys, but navigating Birmingham presents extraordinary challenges. I’ve repeatedly retraced my route, taken wrong turns, reached dead ends, encountered unexpected roadworks, and endlessly circled roundabouts – even with the help of Google Maps.

My most alarming moment occurred several years ago while driving through the city, when I discovered myself travelling along the same thoroughfare as tram tracks. My navigation system had directed me this way, so I proceeded, yet anxiety mounted as I spotted the rails, anticipating a trolley hurtling towards me.

I pressed onwards along the route with no alternative exits, before mercifully returning to a conventional road. I hadn’t realised this scenario was possible in certain Birmingham areas, as the West Midlands Metro shares selected sections of street with motor vehicles.

West Midlands Metro cautions about the potential hazard. “Please don’t obstruct the tramway – it sounds obvious, but remember we are on fixed rails and can’t get around you,” it urges.

“Wherever possible, avoid driving directly on the tracks, particularly at speed, because they can become slippery, especially when wet. Please pay attention to highway regulations and remember that trams have different signalling systems to those of cars and other vehicles – even when we are using the same stretch of road.”

Those caught in prohibited sections of tram routes could face penalties. However, it can be bewildering for tourists.

One local posted on Facebook: “There are certain parts of the network where you can’t avoid sharing with the trams, Beeston/Chilwell springs to mind, but there are others.” Another commented: “Depends where in the city. There are places where you can drive in the tracks and places where you can’t, normally places where you can’t, you will get stuck.” 

For myself, it’s a journey I won’t chance again.

Birmingham is occasionally referred to as the ‘workshop of the world’, owing to its historic evolution from a medieval market town into a significant ‘motor city’. The metropolis championed cars as the future of transportation, establishing inner ring roads, flyovers, and junctions to welcome more visitors to the region and enable smoother travel.

However, I personally pledged never to get behind the wheel in the city again. And I’m far from alone in struggling with Birmingham’s impressive yet bewildering road network – even locals admit defeat.

One resident posted on Facebook: “A lot of drivers in Birmingham are confused by red lights, give way, traffic priority, roundabouts, timed bus lanes, and lane closures.” Another revealed: “I haven’t driven in Birmingham city centre for years now, it’s been confusing for a long time now not just recently.”

A third similarly admitted: “I don’t ever drive in town. Either I would be heading to Scotland or a dead-end street due to getting lost because of the changes.”

Given my previous motoring mishaps, my latest Birmingham visit was undertaken by rail. Mistakenly, I assumed this would prove simpler.

I climbed aboard the packed, airless, yet mercifully direct Saturday morning service to Birmingham, grateful to avoid both congestion and the anxiety of route-finding. Yet I still managed to lose my bearings. Birmingham New Street Station sprawls across 12 platforms, but what threw me was the multiple zones. Despite clear labelling and colour-coding for different platforms, I remained disoriented by the maze of signage and barriers requiring navigation.

Moreover, locating the exit presented yet another challenge. Finding a loo at the station proved even trickier.

I followed the signage but still needed to pass back through a barrier with my train ticket. Meeting relatives at the station presented its own hurdle, forcing me through another barrier to reach my family, who were situated in an entirely separate section

I must have spent a solid 20 minutes roaming the station, attempting to get my bearings and failing spectacularly. In my defence, I’ve only caught the train to Birmingham a few times, and it certainly trumps the motorways and eye-watering car park charges.

Adding to Birmingham’s visiting complications is negotiating the streets and walkways on foot. Seeking my hotel, I relied on my dependable phone maps and followed the suggested route, yet foolishly attempted a shortcut, only to discover a blocked-off pathway and construction work – Birmingham genuinely despises shortcuts.

I also faced a convoluted journey to reach dinner that night, and returning to the station afterwards, I was directed through a pedestrian subway beneath a roundabout, which proved equally baffling. Perhaps my maps were as bewildered as myself, or maybe it was purely user error.

Whatever the explanation, navigating Birmingham has left me utterly bewildered. While it’s an outstanding city boasting excellent transport connections and an array of restaurants, bars, entertainment spots, and a thriving nightlife scene, I have to mentally prepare myself for each visit, steeling myself for becoming disoriented in this well-linked yet perplexing metropolis.